Over the course of the two and a half years I have worked at the USS Constitution Museum, I have done many, many drawings at the front desk while greeting visitors. I progressed from ship doodles to anchors to compasses, to sailors, and eventually cartoons about my fellow staff members and goings-on at the museum. They may read a bit like inside jokes, but nonetheless I am presenting them for your entertainment. You can read my explanations or just look at the drawings.
The first is called "The Broken Cannon" starring Derek and Orlando, who do maintenance around the museum. It also features our cannon exhibit, in which you learn about all of the different steps you go through in order to fire a cannon and then when you press the button to fire, the target screen lights up and tells you whether you hit the enemy ship or not. This exhibit is super cool and popular but has a habit of breaking and needing a lot of attention.
In case you can't read it, the cannon has an "out of order" sign and Derek says, "Not again! Darn thing breaks every other day!" He presses the button to fire and says, "Are you gonna work now?" The target screen says, "You shoot like a merchant vessel!" and Derek shakes his fist and says, "What did you say to me? I'll fix you this time, you stupid cannon!" He fires again and the target screen says, "Haha! NOW whose sides are made of iron?" Derek says, "Aaaargh!!!" and "Grrr!" and kicks the cannon. Orlando comes up and says, "Dude, let me try" and presses the button. The screen says, "It's a hit!" (which is what it is supposed to say) and Derek says, "Who are you, the Fonze?"
The second comic is called "Check Out My Tattoo!" starring the Museum Learning Staff (so basically the characters are me and my co-workers in my department). Again, in case it is too small to read, Gary is in the first panel, showing off his tattoos, "My first tattoo was the peace sign. Later I added the anchors, a mermaid, a seagull..." Then Tracy jumps in and says, "Oh Yeah? Well check out my tattoo! GO RAVENS!" (Tracy is from Baltimore). Then Michael says, "Oh yeah? Well check out my ship's biscuit tattoo! It says 'Bite me'!" Then I say, "Oh yeah? Well my tattoo is a pineapple with sunglasses" and then Susan says, "Oh yeah, well check out my tattoo! Tribal symbols!"Jennifer says, "Oh yeah, well check out my tattoo" (it is a skull with fire around it). Susan says, "What is that from again?" Jennifer says, "It's from when I was in that biker gang-- The Flaming Skulls!" Susan says, "Of course! The biker gang!" Chris jumps in and shows off his unicorn tattoo saying, "Oh yeah? Well check out my tattoo! Unicorns rule!" The final panel is Derek looking cross and saying, "You guys, your body is a temple. You know those will be on you forever, right?"
This is funny because in real life Derek actually has more tattoos than any of us. Also, since the time I drew this comic, Chris got a real tattoo that I drew for him in basically the same spot that his cartoon self has a tattoo! His real tattoo is not a unicorn.
The third is my most recent and nerdiest USS Constitution Museum comic. It is called "Who's on First-- Constitution Edition" and stars Pardon Mawney Whipple, who was a midshipman aboard USS Constitution during the War of 1812. He served in the Mediterranean after that on other Constitution cruises. We have a lock of his hair on display at the museum, which he left for his sweetheart back on shore as a token of his love. It sounds pretty creepy now, but that was totally a thing in 1812. I keep saying we should clone him since we have a DNA sample but exactly no one is on board with that idea. Anyway, none of that is relevant to understanding this comic. All you need to know to get the comic is that his name is Pardon, which is a rather unusual name that lends itself to lots of plays on words.
The first panel is USS Constitution in the harbor with a sign directing new recruits on board. The we see a young Pardon Mawney Whipple shaking hands with the Captain (Probably Isaac Hull, but I'll admit, I didn't look it up). The Captain says, "Welcome aboard, what is your name?" Pardon says, "Pardon, sir!" The captain says, "I said: what is your name?" Pardon repeats, "Pardon." The captain says, "Pardon what?" Pardon says, "Mawney Whipple"The captain is frustrated and says, "Who is Mawney Whipple? For what do you want me to pardon him? AND WHAT ON EARTH IS YOUR NAME?" We pan out to see the two men on Constitution shouting at each other. Pardon says, "PARDON!" The captain says, "I SAID..." And that is where I ended it.
Really though, who names their kid Pardon? I guess "Mawney" is kinda weird too. But Puritans named their kids stuff like, "Diffidence" and "Elected" and "Humiliation." I would way rather be named Pardon than Humiliation.
