USS Constitution Museum Comics

Over the course of the two and a half years I have worked at the USS Constitution Museum, I have done many, many drawings at the front desk while greeting visitors. I progressed from ship doodles to anchors to compasses, to sailors, and eventually cartoons about my fellow staff members and goings-on at the museum. They may read a bit like inside jokes, but nonetheless I am presenting them for your entertainment. You can read my explanations or just look at the drawings.

The first is called "The Broken Cannon" starring Derek and Orlando, who do maintenance around the museum. It also features our cannon exhibit, in which you learn about all of the different steps you go through in order to fire a cannon and then when you press the button to fire, the target screen lights up and tells you whether you hit the enemy ship or not. This exhibit is super cool and popular but has a habit of breaking and needing a lot of attention.

In case you can't read it, the cannon has an "out of order" sign and Derek says, "Not again! Darn thing breaks every other day!" He presses the button to fire and says, "Are you gonna work now?" The target screen says, "You shoot like a merchant vessel!" and Derek shakes his fist and says, "What did you say to me? I'll fix you this time, you stupid cannon!" He fires again and the target screen says, "Haha! NOW whose sides are made of iron?" Derek says, "Aaaargh!!!" and "Grrr!" and kicks the cannon. Orlando comes up and says, "Dude, let me try" and presses the button. The screen says, "It's a hit!" (which is what it is supposed to say) and Derek says, "Who are you, the Fonze?"

The second comic is called "Check Out My Tattoo!" starring the Museum Learning Staff (so basically the characters are me and my co-workers in my department). Again, in case it is too small to read, Gary is in the first panel, showing off his tattoos, "My first tattoo was the peace sign. Later I added the anchors, a mermaid, a seagull..." Then Tracy jumps in and says, "Oh Yeah? Well check out my tattoo! GO RAVENS!" (Tracy is from Baltimore). Then Michael says, "Oh yeah? Well check out my ship's biscuit tattoo! It says 'Bite me'!" Then I say, "Oh yeah? Well my tattoo is a pineapple with sunglasses" and then Susan says, "Oh yeah, well check out my tattoo! Tribal symbols!"Jennifer says, "Oh yeah, well check out my tattoo" (it is a skull with fire around it). Susan says, "What is that from again?" Jennifer says, "It's from when I was in that biker gang-- The Flaming Skulls!" Susan says, "Of course! The biker gang!" Chris jumps in and shows off his unicorn tattoo saying, "Oh yeah? Well check out my tattoo! Unicorns rule!" The final panel is Derek looking cross and saying, "You guys, your body is a temple. You know those will be on you forever, right?" 

This is funny because in real life Derek actually has more tattoos than any of us. Also, since the time I drew this comic, Chris got a real tattoo that I drew for him in basically the same spot that his cartoon self has a tattoo! His real tattoo is not a unicorn. 

The third is my most recent and nerdiest USS Constitution Museum comic. It is called "Who's on First-- Constitution Edition" and stars Pardon Mawney Whipple, who was a midshipman aboard USS Constitution during the War of 1812. He served in the Mediterranean after that on other Constitution cruises. We have a lock of his hair on display at the museum, which he left for his sweetheart back on shore as a token of his love. It sounds pretty creepy now, but that was totally a thing in 1812. I keep saying we should clone him since we have a DNA sample but exactly no one is on board with that idea. Anyway, none of that is relevant to understanding this comic. All you need to know to get the comic is that his name is Pardon, which is a rather unusual name that lends itself to lots of plays on words. 

The first panel is USS Constitution in the harbor with a sign directing new recruits on board. The we see a young Pardon Mawney Whipple shaking hands with the Captain (Probably Isaac Hull, but I'll admit, I didn't look it up). The Captain says, "Welcome aboard, what is your name?" Pardon says, "Pardon, sir!" The captain says, "I said: what is your name?" Pardon repeats, "Pardon." The captain says, "Pardon what?" Pardon says, "Mawney Whipple"The captain is frustrated and says, "Who is Mawney Whipple? For what do you want me to pardon him? AND WHAT ON EARTH IS YOUR NAME?" We pan out to see the two men on Constitution shouting at each other. Pardon says, "PARDON!" The captain says, "I SAID..." And that is where I ended it.

Really though, who names their kid Pardon? I guess "Mawney" is kinda weird too. But Puritans named their kids stuff like, "Diffidence" and "Elected" and "Humiliation." I would way rather be named Pardon than Humiliation. 

The Last of the Cornell Studio Ceramics

Well, it is official: The Cornell Ceramics Studio is being shut down after 54 years of use by the Ithaca and Cornell communities, artists, students, and anyone else who was interested so that they may transform the space into a "multi purpose room." Read: a room that will probably end up with some grungy couches and a broken pool table in about 6 years. There are no other public ceramics studios in Ithaca. I think this will be a huge loss to Ithaca as a whole.

Yes, even after a petition with OVER 1,000 SIGNATURES, many letters on behalf of the studio to the president of Cornell and the Dean of Student Life, and a spirited protest in the rain which featured me on a bullhorn chanting things like, "Make a bowl! Make a pot! Close the studio? I think not!" the higher ups at Cornell still decided to shut the studio down for good.

I am super bummed out.

I went to the studio today to collect what I think (?) is the last of the stuff I made and I am pleased with how everything came out! I have all these new ideas about more things I could make but oh wait... I can't because they're closing the studio to make way for a multi purpose room.

Anyway, here they are!

My mom chose the glazes for this mug with its little bird alighting the handle. I think she has been even more excited than I was for it to get fired! My mom is adorable.

This is the first bowl I have ever made that is is actually big enough to fit a meal's worth of soup.

I added patterns to this little mug using some stampy things I found at Ten Thousand Villages (I threw that picture of me holding them for reference). I am new at stamping wet clay and so I ended up with a very asymmetrical mug but you know what they say; if you want perfect ceramics, go to Walmart.

And below is what I have been referring to as my Wonky Pitcher. It's one of the weirdest things I have ever thrown. It is super lopsided, doesn't pour very easily, and the glaze came out... well, not quite how I expected it would, but the little guy has grown on me. Three cheers for Wonky Pitcher.

The following are my latest MAGICAL CERAMICS!!!

Yes, that is a unicorn mug!

It reads, "Just say NEIGH to people who don't believe in MAGIC."

Look at that glaze! How cool is that?

Ok, and I know you have been on the edge of your seats waiting for these bad boys to come out of the kiln and here they are-- HARRY POTTER POTION BOTTLES!!!!!!

Felix Felicis and Polyjuice Potion!! I also made Veritaserum but it is hard to read and the lid hasn't been fired yet, but when I get it, I'll post it up.

Anyway, to take my mind off of how bummed I am that I will never take another class at the Cornell Ceramics Studio, I started taking a watercolor class at CSMA. Soon to come: a post about watercolors!

Childhood Masterpieces

I am interrupting my regularly scheduled blog to share some treasures I found in an old box. My mom has been saving great works of art from throughout my life and I have recently stumbled upon some of my early creations that I couldn't resist putting on the internet.

To help you understand the context of the following masterpieces, here is me, age 5, pictured with my kindergarten classroom's resident stuffed raccoons. As I recall, my teacher was all about the raccoons. 

...And here is an early self portrait. I am wearing my favorite dress with stripes and apples. I would bet that I was wearing that very dress when I drew this stunning portrait. To this day, all of my self portraits show me wearing whatever I was actually wearing the day I paint them. Apparently it has been a long-standing tradition in my work. As a side note, I don't really have blue eyes. I don't know why I drew myself with blue eyes.

This charming sketch is an insight into how I felt about art criticism as a child. The boy is saying, "Your picture is stupid" and I, wearing my extremely puffy-sleeved dress, respond, "Is not." 

Apparently, Rapunzel rode my bus in elementary school.

One recurring theme in my early work was mermaids. I drew many mermaids. Here are seven mermaids.

This appears to be a fairy or angel(?) seducing this dude with a flower.

Here she has help from her tiny friend. The guy now has a wing with heart on it! I think her seduction tactics are working!

Here, a woman with every natural hair color you can have presents a flower to this extremely pointy eared rabbit. More seduction and intrigue?

Various animals appeared frequently in my work, like rabbits...

...mice...

...poodles (playing kidpix on reeeeeaaaaallly old school computers)...

... pet hamsters (of which my sister and I had several, as illustrated in this multimedia collage piece)...

...dinosaurs...

...and dragons, but by far my favorite animal was the unicorn:

I found many unicorn pictures I drew as a child. I was all about the unicorns! In fact, this piece with the girl riding a unicorn was accompanied by a story, an early artist statement perhaps. I can only imagine it was part of an assignment to think about what we would become if we could build a cocoon and transform into something else, like a caterpillar transforms into a butterfly. I wrote the following (edited for spelling and punctuation):

"If I could build a cocoon I would want to become a white unicorn with a pink tail and a pink mane. I would save a princess in distress. If someone was hurt, I would make them all better. I like being a unicorn."

I was not aware that I had such lofty ambitions as a child until I rediscovered this piece.

Finally, I would like to conclude this post with a story I wrote in first grade about Anne Frank. I am pretty sure I didn't actually know who Anne Frank was at the time. I included my text with these illustrations (again, edited for spelling and punctuation).

"Anne Frank" by Laura Meilman

"When Anne Frank was 13, one of her friends gave her a black book. She made it her diary and named it kitty."

"She wrote in it every day and she wrote something like this, "Dear Kitty, today my friend said, 'I'm buying ice cream.'" She had lots of friends and was very, very happy but..."

"She died in France."

The back cover is decorated with a continuing birthday present theme. I am pretty sure that I just thought it was cool that she had a diary named Kitty and I sort of ignored the rest of her life story. I would like to call your attention to the funeral illustration, which shows her grave with a big cross on it. Yup, I don't think I actually knew who she was when I wrote this circa age 6.

Well, I hope you have enjoyed my early work. Perhaps it has given you some insight into my origins as an artist, both thematically and stylistically. I considered posting some of the anime I drew in high school, but I don't think I need to subject you all to that.